It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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