i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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