bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
