So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
