Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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