My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
