my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
