Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
