talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
