my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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