I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
