Your tits are I can't wait for
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
