i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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