After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
