Only a mothe r could love this liver
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
