dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
