The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
