he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
