just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
