can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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