They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I understand Curling. That high.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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