It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
