My nipple is on Facebook.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
being pregnant is like rehab
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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