I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
