I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
