based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
40s are totally the cure
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
