just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
