Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
