It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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