woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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