bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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