and you said cock pushups were impossible
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
