oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
