That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
