well I can't set my house on fire every night
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
FUCK WHALES
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
