youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Screwed.edu
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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