I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
