You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
