I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
