Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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