I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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