Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
