I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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