carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
