Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
