either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
