You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
