I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
