how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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