Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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