dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
