Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
