cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
