I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
