My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
