i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
