I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
