Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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