i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
