It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
